I was very restless last night, so I decided to put on handcuffs to sleep. Unfortunately, it didn't have the same calming effect as when my master puts them on me π’ Probably because I can let myself out at any time...
Impressions from the other video clips we filmed on Saturday π Pony heels training on the treadmill, with an electric shocker on my thigh. Such a tough workout π
I went to see my master yesterday after the video shoot and spent the night with him. Now I'm on my way home, and for the first time in a long while, I'm alone and without a belt. It feels totally strange and wrong π. But it can't be helped right now: I've had stomach pains since Wednesday, and my master wants my stomach to recover a bit and for a doctor to check it out on Monday. Plus, this way I can clean the belt thoroughly; it's still partially stained blue from the dye π .
Right now, I'm struggling a bit with feeling down. I think I mentioned before that it's sometimes very hard for me when I have to part from my master again. This morning was especially tough π’. I begged him to just keep me there and lock me up in his basement. Of course, that's not possible because I have other commitments in my life. But hopefully someday in the future... π.
In any case, the separation is always hard for me because there is an extremely big difference between the time I spend with him and the time I spend without him. When I'm with him, everything is very clear and simple: he is the center of my life, and I focus all my actions on him and his needs. I live completely in the moment, relying on him to take care of everything and knowing that it's enough for me to focus on serving him well, taking care of his needs, and following his orders. When we are not together, I should ideally focus on him just as much, but it's much more difficult. I have to make all the micro-decisions throughout the day by myself; I have to structure my day on my own. It's so much harder to judge which decision and behavior my master would like to see from me when he's not there. And it's sometimes hard to motivate myself to a certain behavior when no one is there to see it. It's super hard for me to be in the here and now and not constantly in my thoughts.
Apart from that, it just feels wrong not to be with him and not to be making his life easier. It's hard to internalize that the things I do when I'm not with him are also done because he wants them from me and for me.
I thought I'd give you a bit of insight into my emotional world. Feel free to give me feedback on whether this interests you or not.
Here's a sneak peek into one of the videos I shot today with AmateureXtreme: blue paint, bottle caps, electricity, foil bondage, milking and water. It was really, really cool today and I had a lot of fun π₯° Once the video is edited, you'll be able to buy it from me π
It's so nice to come home and be greeted by a loved one π₯° Especially with dinner ready π I had a really wonderful evening with @emilyaddamsofficial yesterday: we first had dinner and then made a few custom videos π₯π I'll just say edging and outdoor π₯΅ After that, we ate strawberries with cream, talked about our day, chatted, and laughed a lot π₯°π₯°π₯°
I have a course in Kassel on Monday and Tuesday and sleeping at my friend's house. Had a really nice evening with them and I'm really happy about my great "bed" π₯°
I had to get up quite early on Saturday morning because I had two video shoots before the fair π₯ First shoot was with Ishidaki and we did various Japanese t0r_tur3 bondage. Among other things, we used this "sobadun" (the jagged board) and the stones. It was super exhausting, but also a lot of fun π§Άπͺ’πͺ¨π₯°
I then told Ishidaki that I think it's really great that he always talks so much about Japanese culture and that I'm an anime fan π―π΅ He then gave me this cool cosplay costume π (he wanted me to wear a corsage with it so that he wouldn't get into copyright trouble. I have no idea if that's actually a problem π ). I was soooo happy about this costume ππ Are there any anime fans here? Can anyone guess which anime character the costume is from?
After that I shot with Fetishfloor. We first shot a pretty cool metal bondage scene and then a bondage with terrabands, which was pretty exciting βοΈππͺπͺ’ In the last scene, I was supposed to put out candles with my breasts. Another first time. It took me quite a bit of effort, but then it was fun. π―οΈπ―οΈπ―οΈππ₯΅
As you can see, I had a pretty exciting Saturday morning π
I already told you that I was at the aftershow party on Friday evening after Boundcon. That was pretty funny. At some point I just ended up on Jim Hunter's lap and he did a bit of rubber bondage with me. It was a first for me and it just felt great π§Άπͺ’π I then sat on the floor like that for quite a while, having my head scratched and enjoying this really tight bondage π₯°
I love bondage so much, I get into a subspace extremely quickly and can just switch off. The evening was really nice, but I was also very exhausted afterwards and glad when I was finally in bed π₯±π΄
Finally in my cage. My first day of the internship was a bit chaotic but really great π₯° However, it was a very long day (I got up at 5:30 AM) π΄ Wish you all a good night πβ¨π
What a day π Had lunch with Jim Hunter today and then had a pretty cool bondage video shoot with him π we do reverse prayer and a very strict Hogtie π₯° After that, I spent some time at the fair chatting with people, and now I'm heading to the aftershow party with @emilyaddamsofficial and a few other models π₯³π
I spent last night with my master and once again slept in handcuffs π₯°βοΈπ This morning, my master attached security seal bolts to my belt π And now I'm on my way to Munich for Boundcon π₯°
Little throwback to Passion fair in Hamburg last year. I thought you might like to see a bit of my other side too π
I really love playing on both sides π₯° Especially with such cuties like my beloved @emilyaddamsofficial and my favorite femboy @felixrubberfemboy πππ