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Part lllSometimes it seems to me that in that relationship, ..

Part lll
Sometimes it seems to me that in that relationship, I was like a little puppy — small, naive, helpless — taken in to be raised and taught.


And yes, that’s exactly how it was. But despite all the pain and chaos that accompanied that experience, I feel a deep gratitude toward that person.
He became a turning point, a fracture in my consciousness — my gift and my curse at the same time. A heavy, complicated burden, yet one I would never trade for anything in the world.


As paradoxical as it sounds, I love this world with all its imperfections. I see in it incredible things — majestic, beautiful, worthy of being witnessed and cherished. Yet there are moments when I am consumed by such darkness that everything around me becomes unbearable. I feel sick of reality, sick of its cruelty and harshness, and I drown in my own pain.


That relationship marked the most significant transformation in my life. It was there that I began to grow up. I learned to analyze my actions, take responsibility, and face the truth.
That person became everything to me: a parent, a friend, a partner, a lover.
He replaced an entire world for me. Through him, I began to tear down the walls that had been built inside me over eighteen long years.

I discovered hopelessness and futility, tragedy and the deep void of this world. I searched for answers to fundamental questions within myself, only to encounter such abysses that it took my breath away.

But alongside that, I also discovered happiness. At the time, I believed it was love — that elusive feeling poets and writers describe. But what is it really? Is love different for everyone, or does it have a clear definition and form? I still don’t know. But I remember those butterflies fluttering in my stomach. I remember crying tears of happiness, feeling warmth and boundless tenderness inside me. I didn’t know I was capable of such emotions.

And then I learned the other side: jealousy, lies, betrayal, infidelity, and the pain of a broken heart.

All of it overwhelmed me, fоrсing me to confront myself again and again. I looked straight into the face of my feelings and my wounds, and I couldn’t turn away.

We both hurt each other. My dark side, which I had hidden for years beneath masks — beneath the roles others assigned to me — suddenly broke free. I saw parts of myself I had never known before. They frightened me. I think this is what people mean when they talk about “facing your demons.”


But despite it all, I grew. I started reading books, searching for beauty in art, absorbing new knowledge. I filled myself with impressions, ideas, and meanings. I expanded my horizons, discovering something new every single day.


Yet the further I walked down that path, the more clearly I saw the abyss ahead. It seemed to call to me — with its depth, its darkness, its mystery. And the more I understood myself and this world, the louder that inner hum became, reminding me of fragility, of pain, of the impossibility of comprehending it all at once.


In that relationship, I encountered love and hate — and, most importantly, myself. The real me, raw and exposed, with all my flaws. And that was my path. My lesson. My life.

To be continued…

Part lllSometimes it seems to me that in that relationship, ..
Part lllSometimes it seems to me that in that relationship, .. Part lllSometimes it seems to me that in that relationship, ..

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