first of all i will take any excuse to show you my tarantitt..

first of all i will take any excuse to show you my tarantitties and tarantussy lmao 😂 long post! ⚠️‼️

i already posted this on reddit but i delete my posts on there all the time and i’m inspired to expand on it here. something that has been helping me recently with depression and derealization is being consciously present while watching/listening to/consuming media and art i really like. i got gifted a Tarantino book (this poster was a gift as well 💛❤️) i’ve been reading thru it recently it’s like interviews and retrospective and an insight into his creative process. i know he has a lot of haters too but i love that he introduces a lot of obscure film stuff into the mainstream, it’s quite a feat🦶

it’s inspiring to me cause i’ve always wanted to be a filmmaker (i guess in a way i am, i make my sex tapes as cinematic as possible lol and i have made experimental films that i want to expand on in the future that are still pretty horny but not like pornographic) and whenever i wanna give up i’m like some of my fave artists like him and david lynch etc didn’t make their first works until they were older, so it’s okay for me to take time off and not burn out. it’s not a competition and everyone has their own path - capitalism however pits us against each other and that is so wrong. QT and lynch both talk a lot about burnout too, and how their films conceal personal themes but within genre, and i find that v important. the toxic grind culture can suck my whole ass. i just wanna make good shit and be inspired by cool shit.

True Romance is one of my fave movies ever, i even named the main character of my first film Clarence 🖤 i love Kill Bill too. some standing on the shoulders of giants shit. i hope if i continue to make art i’ll inspire some standing on the bussys of giants visionary shit 😩 fame and popularity are arbitrary; at the end of my lifetime when i look back on my career etc i want to feel like i’ve accomplished something that’s eternal instead of trendy. even with my OF i’ve enjoyed doing the work even tho i’m not the most popular creator; having a niche audience is actually more appealing to me because the few people who will like my stuff will *really* like it, and i can feel like i have a bit of tegridy lol 🌲 growing up i’ve never had a normal life, in any aspect, and that’s been both a treasure and a trauma. i play by no ones rules, not even my own.

i’ve always wanted to do the crazy unhinged shit that no one else wants to do, but make it sexy. i’ve had the realization recently that a lot of my idols are male (QT, lynch, carl jung, tim leary, terence mckenna etc) and i’ve always wanted to fill a female role in these very masculine visionary fields. i don’t need or even want to be hugely popular but i do want to compile an archive of my multidisciplinary work in a way that’s cohesive like those of my idols, and use my energy to build, not destroy. suffering and agony are inevitable but i try as much as i can to transmute it into joy, or at least into a form of art. i’ve been thinking about how my OF fits into this too, it’s an amazing platform for me to get my sexual and creative energies out in an uncensored way, and ultimately in time when i’m less burned out and more capable, i want to make something beyond that, that’s influenced by my experience - not overtly but in a more subtle symbolic way, like combining my love of sexual content and conceptual/experimental art. because my branding or whatever is more weird and unhinged than most, it attracts a simpatico vibe of people who are also kind of horny and nerdy like me. i’ve been lucky that my subscribers are very respectful and i can have cool and genuine conversations, but sometimes i worry that if i slack on the nudity i’ll lose my personal appeal. i hope that the enjoyers of my xxx content will also in time be enjoyers of my art on the whole spectrum.

anyway .... tarantitties!!!

thank you if you’ve read thru this whole essay. i try as much as possible to have balance on my OF: on one hand this is my personal page and like a diary to me that i let strangers peek into; on the other hand i also provide a service for you so i don’t want to be to annoying about oversharing. i suppose those who don’t like it can always unsubscribe, i’ve seen a bit of a decline in subscribers this past month and i’ve been trying to not let it affect me; at the end of the day tho i’m happy with my experience here and with the quality of my work, i would rather have tegridy 🌲 than popularity any day. when i’m in a more capable place mentally i’ll hustle more and make more content to make up for it; success and failure are cyclical, they ebb and flow. at the moment i’ve been slowing down a bit to focus on my mental health so thank you those of you who get it and still support me; i’m touched 💖💖💖