I’m feeling extremely fucking underappreciated today. I work..

I’m feeling extremely fucking underappreciated today. I work very hard on my content for people to want more more more, for pennies. I understand that it’s a tough financial time right now, believe me I know the feeling of being poor and wanting a good deal, but it’s insulting and depressing.

Sorry in advance that I’m not a beacon of positive energy and good vibes. I’m in a really low mood this morning, I don’t know how long this episode will last but thank god everything is temporary. Probably I will delete this post later. I know long winded posts like this where I am of spiraling mental health and feeling deep in depression make me lose subscribers, but I need to state this because there are people who have problems paying sex workers or even seeing them as a human being and as a whole this problem is bigger than my stupid little thoughts and feelings.

If you cannot afford a sex work experience, don’t live above your means. Beyond the monthly sub price, tips are optional. Encouraged but optional. Still, tips of $2, $3 are a slap in the face. Usually I laugh at these little tips cause I get them occasionally, but lately I’ve been getting it a lot and it makes me feel very demotivated and demoralized. I don’t expect generous tips from the average consumer but it hurts to get these minuscule amounts (with an expectation of me sending explicit content) because when OF takes the 20% pay cut that’s like $1.60 or $2.40 lol … would you tip a waitress or server that amount, and they are not even nude? You tip your postmates driver more than that. Don’t tip at all then just lurk and jerk. I give away so much already. I don’t even want to post nudes now because I already have 5000+ explicit content and the amount of work I put into this is not even appreciated enough. Do you guys even enjoy what I do? At least a genuine comment or a heartfelt message that what I do is valued would be nice, if you can’t afford to tip.

Having a price tag on everything is already dystopian and getting worse every year — along with commodity fetishism and market value it becomes a daunting task reconciling our existence with a monetary value. Maybe I should post my Karl Marx and Lenin videos again.

What makes a sex worker seem “cheaper” than a diner waitress or a salon worker or an uber driver?

My fundraiser from the new year is not even half way there, did you guys hate the videos? Should I stop making them and give up on doing this?

As much as I want to people-please, and cater to the male gaze, and create an atmosphere of excellent service, it very much sucks to be taken for granted. I love doing this and I am very genuinely thankful for my subscribers but recently I feel like I’ve been cast aside or like you guys are tired of me. Are you over me? Am I sucking ass contentwise? If there is constructive criticism I would like to hear it, but it’s very demoralizing to have less likes, comments, and tips.

I try to make my posts have a balance between solicitous and gratuitous. I need to make money in order to survive, I don’t get help from family and I’m on my own — but I also want to please my viewers and I will go above and beyond to do so. You wouldn’t go into a grocery store and say hey I bought pasta can I get the pasta sauce for free? And the parmesan too, oh and can I also get a discount on the silverware? ….. I know viewers want explicit content and I truly love making and creating it, but if it’s not going to be appreciated I won’t want to post it.

I try to see things from your point of view, being a consumer myself. I believe that I do a good job of humanizing my subscribers— technically I don’t have to talk to anyone or answer messages at all, what you pay for is the subscription to my sexual content and access to my page. I answer every message and am active in my replies — some days I respond less if I am busy irl or am dealing with depression or a personal medical issue. Still, I almost never skip days and I give you guys a lot of myself, my time, my body, my energy. If you cannot understand that or put yourself in my place, then idk what to say.

Most of you are wonderful and when I say I’m happy and grateful to have you on here, I truly mean it. But the entitlement of some people to demand more content, more explicit content, because of the logic that porn is free elsewhere, is laughable. Yes obviously porn is free elsewhere - go on phub and jerk off if I don’t provide what you want. What I provide is a unique experience that you can’t get anywhere else. It’s the same type of people who sit at a strip club and just watch and don’t tip — it’s insulting to our line of work, which is a already stigmatized and punchlined. Men have created this market, this demand for porn, many complain that it’s still not enough when a model doesn’t do things they see don’t by professionals on phub.

Hiring a SW in real life cost hundreds, thousands. Granted, online you can’t physically touch or fuck the camgirl, but the concept of sexual and personal fulfillment can be fulfilled in a custom video — and if you’ve ever gotten one from me, you know I make some of the best custom videos known to OF. I can’t do irl work right now because of my health conditions. There is a lot about myself that I’m debilitated by and extremely insecure about, but I know that I am extremely fucking good at my job, I am a preternatural sex goddess, I can do the best cock rate or custom video fantasy of your life. The porn I make is creative and incredible. Not to shit on other creators, but I offer something unique that is rare to this platform. I guess people don’t like uniqueness and prefer generic, easily digestible stuff. If you disagree with me, let me know.

I am sorry to sound like a whiny bitchy cunt but I want to make it clear that I’m a human too and not a sex robot behind the screen. OF is not an easy job like many think it is. The concept of overvaluing/ undervaluing is a predicament and I don’t want to do either.

I know December/January are the slowest months in sex work but if it continues to be this demoralizing in the next months of the year I’m going to quit because it looks like I don’t provide value to anyone on here anymore. I enjoy making content and communicating with you guys but the moment it stops being enjoyable for me I’m done. I just want to be appreciated, is it too much to ask for?