🌻 Actually thought I looked cute in this outfit and my body ..

🌻 Actually thought I looked cute in this outfit and my body image was good for once.

In an industry that makes literally billions of dollars to capitalize on women feeling bad about themselves to the point of self harm, one of the biggest ways to rebel against society is to truly like yourself. It’s fuckin hard tho with the massive amounts of beauty propaganda we’re inundated with. I’m much happier with my body than I’ve ever been. Still, I get triggered when people call me “thicc” “juicy” “healthy” “curvy” despite those being compliments, sexually desirable, and in my own way of viewing women what I’m attracted to, but the perceptions I have of my own body have been fucked from an early age. I’ve written countlessly before even on here about my ED recovery, cause it’s important to talk about this type of shit in a visual industry / eurocentric beauty standard society where many of us suffer from it — how it is just as much a mental disease as a corporeal one, a psychological illness that manifests physically. It had almost nothing to do with being fat, as I’m small by nature, but so much to do with trauma, family approval issues, and personal agony. It just… became a desire to disappear. That impact is harder to break through than the physical healing, although the abuse of the body creates latent health consequences that sometimes don’t appear until years later. Sometimes I truly don’t give a fuck and think I’m an ethereal sex goddess, other times I can’t even look at myself without feeling nauseated. It takes a lot for me to feel my way into attractiveness, being no longer as thin.

But every year it gets a little easier for me to accept myself cause here’s the thing — I will notice that in actresses on some tv shows and online women and whatever, presentation of imperfection is important.

Even the “natural” looks in the media tho take makeup artists or content creators time and effort to create a “no makeup makeup” flawlessness. It’s an ~I woke up like this~ mirage.

It’s awesome and inspiring to see someone who’s weird looking feel good about themselves on the screen.

Under eye bags? Cellulite? Flat tits? A belly? Big nose? Chubby arms? Chicken legs? Skinny veiny hands? Fucked up teeth? Smile lines? The features that are so called flaws, when represented in the media, make others with such features feel good about themselves. Representation of societally perceived flaws (that are perfectly normal body things, and need not corrective beauty treatments) is extremely important. To be perceived can make one feel very vulnerable and exposed, especially since people who put themselves out there are an easy target.

When I see an unedited woman with fat rolls or dark eye circles, I feel better about mine. Cameras in HD not only add pounds turning a 3D human into a 2D image, but they’re often too honest. In a series of the same photo set, someone can look thin or thick. I usually film from below on a “mommy angle” which makes me look fatter, but I give less of a fuck now because I want to film myself and embody myself enjoying life. I’m glad I can talk about this with, for lack of a better word, a more empowered message and a recovered perspective. Still, I’m hyper aware of flattering/unflattering images that I post and an undeniable part of me concedes to the beauty prison and wants to look a certain way. It’s hypocritical. Ugh sorry for the emo ass rant but I have been feeling a certain way!! An analysis of being desirable. Each and every one of the small victories add up. Wanna fight these thoughts… brain got hands 🥊 😳

Anyway, I thought these pics were not too bad. 🖤 Mainly because the angles and lighting work for me but even from within I was feeling myself. Show me some love if you feel it too 🌻