What Jordan Peterson got all wrong (( And how I did too. )) ..

What Jordan Peterson got all wrong (( And how I did too. )) I got my notes back from the psyotropic therapy session last night. My therapist recorded everything I said while I was under the influence so that I didnt have to worry about the lapse in memory that MDMA causes. Two passages stood out the most to me. I’ll share on with you today. My guide: “how does it serve you to blame yourself?” Me: “These things (a neglectful childhood, falling in love with an abusive partner, GDP) feel out of control, but I feel like I can regain control if I take some responsibility. It gives me the illusion of control. But it doesn’t actually serve me because I am just so sick. I followed Jordan Peterson’s work for a really long time. He preaches to own up to the bad in your life. You had the choice. You made the choice for a reason. It’s going to get you on the right path eventually. I remember I started to follow him because I was just so sick of circling in these TERRIBLE depressive episodes, falling for the wrong people both friends and lovers, and not feeling like I had control over my actions. Jordan’s words made me feel like I had control again. So I held onto any and all responsibility. I did this for years. Years and years and years. Thats A LOT of responsibility for a teenage girl to carry around. That’s a lot of weight. And that weight made me sick over time. Emotional weight is so damaging and while i knew this to be true, I didn’t FEEL it until I was in NYC. And, my hot take for the day is….Jordan is so sick because he has been carrying all of this emotional pain/hurt in his body and its making his cells break down over and over again. As for me, I was never unloveable, my parents just didnt have time for me. It was not my fault I was coerced. GDP CHOSE to do that to me. They put money > all else, even human lives. It’s not my fault my ex was abusive, he CHOSE to do that to me. & I stayed because ‘we give others what we wish for ourselves.’ - my guide. Letting these three things slide off my chest during the session has made me feel WEIGHTLESS. I’m laughing more, even alone. I’m dancing more, even alone! I just feel more alive now that I’m not walking around thinking I’m the demon. I think, taking responsibility for your past means losing grip that it was all under your control. It also means taking responsibility for how you respond. It’s also your responsibility to know where your triggers are coming from and lemme tell ya it’s hard work but when you figure it out, it makes so much sense. For example, overworking myself as a means to never sit alone in silence stems from my fear of being alone because after the video dropped in my hometown, I was ostracized to the extent where I spent my entire senior year alone in my room. My body uses work/self help/school/concerts/ANYTHING to never get put back into such a state of isolation because the only experience I have with isolation is this really terrible one. The trauma of developing alone in my room without any support was enough for my body to do whatever it possibly can to never, EVER be stuck in that state again. Knowing where that triggers stems from is my body trying to protect itself. So I’ve been dipping my toes in being alone. Truly alone. Doing nothing but existing. And it’s not so bad. I just have to train my body and reassure it that it won’t ever have to go through what it went through in high school. And that just being is beautiful. I can exist while having immense support (you guys are the best), amazing friends, and a healing heart. They can all co-exist. My body didnt know that before <3 But yeah, it makes sense you know? It makes complete sense why I overwork myself. It make sense why being alone is so hard for me. Now, I embrace it because I understand it. Basically, it’s not your responsibility to carry around so much pain forever to prove a point. You can let it go. What have you been carrying around for decades that isn’t serving you anymore? And that’s my Zed Talk for today, thanks for stopping in <3